Breastfeeding

OK, I've been trying to hold back on this for awhile now but here it comes. I hate breastfeeding. H-A-T-E. This is no exaggeration. For those of you who have never experienced the feeling of having someone suck on a bloody, open wound up to 8 times a day, let me just inform you- it ain't as easy as it looks.

Here is a brief list of all the things I hate about it:
1. It hurts.
2. My boobs are so big that they totally eclipse my child's head when I'm feeding her.
3. My boobs are so big that Victoria can no longer keep my Secret.
4. No one else can help you or do it for you.
5. People give you dirty looks when you do it in public, even if you shove your kid up your shirt AND cover up with a blanket.
6. Breast pumps make you feel like an actual cow...moo.
7. My boobs are so big that I lost a pacifier once and found it that night when I took off my bra. (True story.)
8. You can get tennis elbow from it, which does provide you with prescription pain killers, that you can't take BECAUSE you're breastfeeding.
9. You can't drink unless you want to have to buy the "breast screen" test strips at Target to screen your milk for alcohol. Purchasing said strips is only going to lead to more dirty looks. (The first time I saw those I wanted to buy a box of strips, a bottle of wine and go home and pump, just to see what would happen...)
10. Boob sweat is disgusting. You either have to bathe or your kid is going to smell like it every time you feed her. (If you are a B cup or under you can't relate and I don't care OR feel sorry for you.)

The good things about breastfeeding:
1. It's good for your kid. (Even though Aubrey was only BF for 3 months and is NEVER sick and Emma was BF for 11 months and is ALWAYS sick.)
2. It's free. (And yes, this is mostly why I do it...don't judge me.)