Aubrey Said: Tramp

After school today, Aubrey and I were baking cookies. She was playing with toys and pretending her play-doh globs were puppies. I heard her say something to her "dogs" about Lady & The Tramp, when all of a sudden that little head popped up and she asked, "Momma, WHAT is a tramp?"

Gulp.

Me: Um, ahhhh. Well, let me see. It's a, well. Um. (Cursing in my head! Deep cleansing breath.) It's a person who sleeps in a lot of different places...

Lucky for me the subject was dropped. But that was uncomfortable! (Not as uncomfortable as I'm going to be when she uses her new word for the first time, but still.) I'd like to know how YOU would have answered that question! Leave your thoughts in the comments section.

Aubrey Said: Panties

I was in my bathroom getting dressed today and Aubrey was following me from room to room just chattering away:
Aubrey: Hey, nice panties Momma!
Me: Um, thanks. (I chunked every pair of underwear that I couldn't remember buying...) They're a little bit big.
Aubrey: (cackling) Are they big enough for Daddy?
Me: (cackling with her) I don't know about that!
Aubrey: (now wheezing she is laughing so hard!) What if Daddy wanted to wear your panties Momma? Would that be so funny? All the guys at work would laugh at him if he wore your panties!

I agreed between gasps of air and stomach cramps that "the guys at work" was most definitely find that humorous!

Aubrey Said: Beefaroni

Earlier this week I was going to heat up some leftover spaghetti for Emma and me for lunch. I took the fridge apart looking for the leftover noodles and finally realized that my husband had jacked the entire bag and taken them to work. Usually this wouldn't be a problem, but I had no noodles left to make and no other lunch options. I finally dug some macaroni noodles out of the pantry and made some old school beefaroni. I laughed about it and even posted on Facebook about the beefaroni, because that just happened to be what was being served at my kindergartner's school that day.

At dinner that evening, Emma was picking at her food and my husband was encouraging her to eat.
Me: She's probably not hungry, she had two huge bowls of salad and a giant bowl of BEEFARONI for lunch, because somebody jacked all of our noodles...
Aubrey's head popped up from her plate. "HEY! There is a kid in my class who's last name is that!"
Me: What?
Aubrey: A kid in my class has the last name BEEF-A-RONI!
I couldn't help it, I laughed so hard I cried, knowing that the teacher was probably calling roll, and telling the kids what was being served in the cafeteria that day.
Aubrey crossed her arms across her chest and pouted, "QUIT having fun at me, MOMMA!"
"I'm sorry," I said wiping the tears from my eyes, "I just don't think there is anybody in your class named Beefaroni."

If your last name is Beefaroni- my sincerest apologies to you and my daughter for "having fun" at both of you!

Emma Said: If You Share

I am working on revisions for my manuscript. I have highlighters, Post-Its and pens of every color and it is too much for my children to bear. Emma spent the last fifteen minutes trying to convince me to give her my hot pink highlighter.
Emma: Can I hab dat Momma?
Me: No.
Emma: Pwease, I be bery carepul wid it.
Me: No, honey. I need it so I can work. You have your own markers.
Emma: I not hab a pink one wike dat Momma. I not.
Me: Sorry honey, you can't have it.
Emma: Well, if you share wis me I'll be you best fwiend eber. But if you not share, I not be you best fwiend anymore. (The look on her face was priceless, I could see her little mind spinning and thinking of all the things and body parts she would color...)
Me: Well, sorry. You still can't have it.
Emma: OK Mommy. Can I sit in you wap?

Book Update

Just wanted to update all my peeps out there about my book deal. I just got an email from the World's Greatest Agent Jenny Bent with notes and revisions to be made. I'll be working on this...um, until I'm finished and then the ball will be back in her court. I am feeling very encouraged and inspired after getting her feedback, and I am looking forward to the whole book "process." If you like reading the blog you should be excited too. There is A LOT of good stuff in the book you won't find anywhere else!

Thanks for reading!

Guest Blogger: Mary Beth

I just read this on my friend's Facebook account and laughed so hard I had to share it with y'all. (See- this is another reason you need to send me a friend request on Facebook! I need to know what's going on in your house!!)

Mary Beth was in the kitchen when Grayson, her eight-year old, came into the room and asked, "Mom, is it true Michael Jackson had plastic surgery?"

Oh my Lord. I am still laughing. I can only imagine the look on his face if Mary Beth was to show him "Before & After" pictures...oh please, Mary Beth- take pictures of his face for us!

Emma Said: I Not Go to Skooo

Emma is "Momma's Baby" it doesn't matter what I'm doing, she wants IN. As you may have already read, she is thoroughly enjoying being at home with me while Aubrey is in school, and when I told her it was time to go meet her own teacher, she was not impressed. Her eyes filled with tears and she actually put down her fork and stopped eating (this would be like a normal person holding her breath.)

"But, Momma," she said with her chin trembling, "I not go to skooo, I stay wichu..." I explained to her that we were only going to meet her teacher and we would both be there- together, for less than an hour. She cheered up and got herself dressed and ready to go.

We went to school, met her teacher and Emma colored a picture. She met some new friends and saw some old ones. She went to the bathroom and came back with her dress pushed up to her chest and her princess panties hanging out. After our forty-five minutes were up, we left to eat lunch.

As I was buckling her into her seat, she looked at me with a smile and said, "I hab a weally good day today, Mommy. I not cwy or anyfing..."

Mommy was so, SO proud.

Aubrey Said: I am Not Too Little!

Aubrey loves school. We walked the first day but because the sand gnats were eating us alive, the second day I decided we would be better off driving. Just as we were leaving our neighborhood, Aubrey saw a school bus and screamed from the back seat, "MOMMA! I want to ride that bus!"

I explained to her that she isn't quite old enough to ride the bus to school by herself, yet and maybe when she got a little older we could check into it. This seemed to satisfy her until I picked her up from school. The first thing she said when she saw me was, "I AM NOT TOO LITTLE! I saw them and they are all my size!"

The Moultrie News

Click HERE to read today's article in The Moultrie News!
(Bathroom Protocol: "I'll do it by myself, Momma.")

Aubrey Said: I Don't Wanna Go to School

Aubrey decided AFTER I got in the car pool line this morning that she wanted me to walk her in to her classroom. It was too late to do anything about it and I told her she would have to walk by herself but the other teachers would help her get there.
Me: Aubrey, unbuckle your seatbelt and open the door, it's time to get out.
Aubrey: I don't wanna go to school. I want you to walk me.
(PLEASE keep in mind yesterday I INSISTED on walking her and she was totally put out with me because she could do it all by herself..."I KNOW how to follow the arrows, Momma!")
Me: Aubrey, you have to get out of the car, there are cars behind us and other kids waiting to get out.
I got out of the car with my frizzy ponytail and practically still in my pjs and opened her door.

Aubrey: I won't walk Momma. I won't, I won't take one ssstep.

I lifted her out, put her backpack on her back, gave her a kiss and got back in the car.

She stood stock still until I started driving at which point she started running beside the car...not in a pitiful sad kind of way, but a "HEY, wait! If you drive off you can't see that I AM STILL STANDING here and NOT moving" kind of way. She was quickly busted by a watchful teacher and marched straight to her classroom.

Don't worry about her, she looked back at me over her shoulder with an evil grin and waved.

Emma Said: Let's Make a Sandwich

I was lying in the bed with Shuggie and Emma late last night, Emma was between Shuggie and I on the bed. She reached her skinny little arms around both of our necks and said, "I wuv you guys so much...wet's make a sandlich. I be the jeddy and yous be da bwead!"

Emma Said: Let's Pretend

I made a chicken casserole with brown rice and green beans for dinner. It apparently didn't meet up to Aubrey's dinner expectations, so she was sent to her room until her attitude improved. Once she left, Emma...a.k.a. Snow White, said, "Butt is not a nice worwd, isn't it Momma?"
Me: No it's not.
Emma: Wet's pretend we're eatin' butt Momma...
(Cue hysterical laughter from Shuggie and myself.)
Emma: What? What is it Mommy? What's so punny?

Emma Said:

Emma is doing just fine without her older sister at home. I guess I seriously underestimated the child...it is quiet in the house without Aubrey here, but so far- no one is complaining! Emma has been playing all morning, lying on the sofa bed with Shuggie having her back and head scratched and watching Dora. I overheard her a few moments ago say, "Shuggie, would you do that again? I wub dat..." I'm thinking as long as Shuggie keeps scratching, Emma is going to stay quiet!

Aubrey's First Day of School

Aubrey just got home from her first day of kindergarten and as we pulled into the driveway she said, "Momma, my legs are so tired I can't walk one more step. Will you carry me?" I carried her and all of our stuff inside (it's the first day, she can walk by herself tomorrow) and continued quizzing her about her day.

Aubrey: My teee-cher made me wear my shoes and socks ALL day. Her wouldn't let me take them off!
Me: (Knowing how she likes to sleep in the buff, I was quite relieved that was all she tried to take off.)

She continued to tell us everything she did all day long, coloring, "learning the calender", eating lunch in the lunchroom, eating a popsicle for snack time.
Me :Oh Aubrey, that sounds like so much fun! You get to do it again tomorrow!
Aubrey: TOMORROW? (Full volume whine!) I am SO tired, I don't want to go back!!

Only thirteen more years to go....

Emma Said

Aubrey is at school, so Emma and I have celebrated by going to Schick-pill-a (Chick-Fil-a if you don't speak Emma) and had ourselves a grand old time. I thought she might need a little distraction from missing her sister, best friend and constant companion. They've never really been away from each other for more than a few hours and I was braced for an emotional day for Emma.

By chance, we happened to meet a little boy who will be in Emma's class this year. I introduced her and she looked at me with a mouth full of nuggets and said, "I don't want any boys in my class." Hm, well- too bad.

We were washing our hands, and my distraction seemed to be working quite well because she hadn't even mentioned Aubrey.
Me: Emma, where is Sissy?
Emma: At 'coool.
Me: Do you miss he-
Emma: NOPE!

Alrighty then.

Emma Said

I heard Emma clattering around in the bathroom...
Me: EMMA, do you need some help in there??
Emma: NO! I MEED SOME PRIVATE-SEE!

The Moultrie News

Click HERE to read today's article in The Moultrie News!
(Getting Lost is Part of My Weekly Routine)

Emma Said: I Hab a Baby in My Tummy

Emma puffed her tummy out after eating a big lunch and said, "Monny, I hab a baby in my tummy."
Me: You do? Who's in there?
Emma: Baby Cucker. (My nephew Tucker.)
Me: OH! How will he get out?
Emma: (leans over and whispers in my ear) I'ne gonna sneeze him out...

If only she knew, it's actually so much grosser than that!

Aubrey Said: Where Did Sadie Come From?

I just took this whole circus to the doctor's office. School starts tomorrow and all three kids have sinus infections, and I have developed some sort of narcolepsy that causes me to want to sleep 24 hours a day, and I thought we might need to check in to that. After seeing our favorite nurse practitioner, getting all six prescription and loading the car up to head home, Aubrey randomly asked, "Momma, how did Sadie get in your tummy?"

Does she REALLY think we're going to talk about this the day before school starts??? I don't think so...

Aubrey Said: I Would NEVER Throw a Beer

Yesterday I was cleaning out a cooler from a neighborhood get together, I took out the extra sodas and beers and lined them up by my front door while I emptied the water out of the cooler. My plan was to immediately put the drinks away, but motherhood called, I got distracted and completely forgot about them.

Until late last night, after Zeb tucked Aubrey into bed. He was putting her in the bed and she said, "I would NEVER throw a beer bottle in the street like Emma did, Daddy." According to the broken glass in the driveway, Emma's completely confounded expression when asked if she had thrown a bottle AND Aubrey's angst-filled confession the following morning- was a complete and total lie.

My question is this...what was it about a full glass bottle of beer that just screamed "water-balloon fight" to my five-year old? I guess next weekend she'll be toilet papering yards and bashing in mailboxes with her new pink T-ball bat...

Emma Said: Him's Not Bad

After dinner tonight Aubrey (5) and Emma (3) were in the garage with their Daddy. Aubrey was eating a popsicle and Emma came running inside to tell Shuggie (her grandmother), "I axed Daddy for a popsicle and him said no!"
Shuggie: WHAT? Am I going to have to spank him?
Emma: Wellll, him's not a bad boy. Him just won't give me a popsicle.
Shuggie regulated. Emma got said popsicle.

Aubrey Said: Ahhhh.

Aubrey's new favorite thing to say after using the restroom: Ahhhhh, what a release!

Emma Said: Hot Sandwich

While I was in NYC Emma and Shuggie had a lunchtime miscommunication of O'Bryant proportions...
Emma: Can I hab a peanut butta and jeddy sandlich?
Shuggie: Sure.
Shuggie started making the sandwich and Emma interrupted...
Emma: I want a hot sandlich Shuggie.
Shuggie: A hot peanut butter and jelly sandwich? I KNOW your Momma doesn't cook a peanut butter and jelly sandwich!
Emma: NO! A HOT ONE!
Shuggie: I don't know what your saying baby, you're going to have to show me.
Emma started marching into the laundry room towards her play-doh supplies.
Shuggie: We're not doing play-doh right now, honey. It's time to eat and I don't know what you mean by a "hot sandwich" but I KNOW you've never had a hot peanut butter and jelly.
Emma spun around on her heels, balled her fists and through gritted teeth, GROWLED: I NOT TALKING ABOUT A HOT SANDLICH! I WANT A HOT SANDLICH!
Emma reached into the play-doh bucket and pulled out a giant heart-shaped cookie cutter, that I sometimes use to cut her sandwiches.
Shuggie: OOHHHHH! You want a HEART sandwich!
Emma sighed a big sigh of relief and said with a smile, "YEAH! A hot sandlich!"

Aubrey Meets the Teacher

I took my baby to real school this afternoon, to meet her kindergarten teacher. I left Emma and Sadie at home with Shuggie and made a big deal about going to Aubrey's school, with just Aubrey.

We met her teacher Mrs. Wood and Aubrey got to pick out a stuffed animal out of a basket to bring back with her on her first day for a safari, which she is VERY excited about. Her first conversation with her teacher went something like this:

MW: What's your name?
Aubrey: It starts wif an A. (Not sure if she wanted to show off her mad alphabet skillz or was trying to be a smart aleck by making the teacher guess what her name was.)
Me: Her name is Aubrey, and she is so excited about school. Aren't you Aubrey?
Aubrey: Yeah, I got a kindergarten mat and everything. AND my sthisther got one, but hers not coming wif me. (Emma did indeed ask for a nap time mat and her Shuggie got her one, I am afraid she is going to be heartbroken when Aubrey leaves for school and she isn't able to go "wif" her.)

We were leaving the school and saw Shuggie, Emma and Sadie rolling up in the double stroller. Shuggie: Aubrey, did you meet your teacher? Is she so nice?
Aubrey: YEAH! She gave me this stuffed animal and her name is Mrs. Log.
Me: Wood...her name is Mrs WOOD.
Aubrey: Huh?

Emma & Sadie

Emma had Sadie cracking up tonight so I grabbed the camera to record them. So sweet and precious, right up until the end, when Emma...well you'll see. I'll just say I turned the camera off and tried to have a serious conversation with Emma without laughing.

The Moultrie News

Click HERE to read today's article in The Moultrie News!
(The Joy of Baby Monitors: Who is Watching Who?)

Agent Update

OK, so er'body wants to know how it went with my agent in NYC and here's the deal. She had a family emergency that is not my bidniss to discuss, but it was a for real emergency that she had no control over and she needed to be with her family. She was very apologetic and we are working on a Plan B for getting revisions underway. I wouldn't want to work with someone who thought work was more important than her family, and I respect her for putting them first!

I firmly believe that nothing is a surprise to God, and that all things work together for the good of those that love HIM. Which means bad things happen, God doesn't MAKE them happen but He will cause good things to happen in spite of bad situations. I believe I have the best agent on the planet, and plan on sticking to her like white on rice!

I'm Baaaaaaa-aaaaack!

We had a great time even though I wasn't able to meet with my agent due to a family emergency. Zeb and I went and saw Rock of Ages (with Constantine from American Idol- not of fan of his from Idol but I am now!) and Wicked which was AMAZING!

We did a lot of subway riding and walking and really enjoyed being together and in the city. I was ready to get back to my kids by the time we left! And I'm fairly certain Shuggie was ready for me to be back, as well!

Aubrey and Emma rode with me to a chiropractor appointment yesterday afternoon, Sadie stayed home with Shuggie and while we were waiting to be seen, Aubrey wrung her hands and said, "Poooooor Shuggie!"
Me: Why poor Shuggie?
Aubrey: Her doesn't have one more kid...
Me: I'm pretty sure she's OK.

I called my mom to tell her what Aubrey said, and she said, "Tell her not to worry. I have one sleeping baby and I am FINE!"

Leaving for NYC

So I got dressed all cute this morning and put all my makeup and jewelry on, and finished packing my bags for New York. While I was getting ready Aubrey came in to help me and asked if she could have some of "your-scara", also known as, "my-scara." I coated her long blond lashes and even blessed her with some lip gloss since I was getting ready to leave.

I wanted to look really cute just in case somebody recognized me...from, um...preschool or something. Which doesn't really make any sense because if I wanted to be recognized then I shouldn't have washed my hair, put on makeup or a dress. But I digress, I was excited about my trip and wanted to look very writerly in case someone wanted to ask me WHY in the world I was going to New York City.

I was feeling quite sassy and cute in my brown dress, with real jewelry and my new leopard print ballet flats, when Aubrey up and decided to break every rule I had ever made. I was trying to put her in time out, answer my mother's question about household things, kiss Emma, hold my baby and keep from flashing my underwear to my sweet neighbor who had volunteered to take my husband and I to the airport.

I was trying to discipline Aubrey so I wouldn't leave the house with her acting like a wild woman, but also didn't want to discipline her and leave for four days with her hysterical. Emma was sitting at the computer playing Dora the Explorer and minding her own business, while Aubrey's "my-scara" ran all over her face a la Tammy Faye Baker.

I finally got it all together- I had consoled Aubrey, kissed Emma, snuggled Sadie and all of my bags, including my manuscript and my laptop were in the car. I had time for a quick potty break before we left for the airport. I went to my bathroom to find that someone (read: Emma) had put an entire roll of toilet paper in my toilet.

I grabbed a plastic grocery bag and fished it out of the potty. I left for the airport with a full bladder and feeling much more like the preschool mommy I really am, than the writerly person I had dressed up to be!

Start Spreadin' the News

Today is the big day! Headed to NYC, a mini-vacation, and the agent of my dreams!! Life is Good! I've helped Shuggie to get the house under control (how long it stays that way once we are gone is anyone's guess) and tried to mentally prepare the girls that I would be gone for a few days.

Shuggie told them a few days ago that when Mommy leaves they could sleep in the "Big Princess Bed" with her. (That's what they call me and Zeb's king-size bed.) Since then they have had no qualms about us leaving. As a matter of fact they have both asked me repeatedly, "Are you weady to go to New Yourk yep?"

Yes, yes I am!

The Moultrie News

Click HERE to read today's article in The Moultrie News!
(Mommy Please, I'm So Hungry)

Emma Said: It's in Her Mouse

Sadie has a new trick. You can ask her where her tongue is and she concentrates as hard as she can and sticks the tip of her tongue out between her lips. Then she looks at you like, "See what I did!" It is precious and adorable and needed to be captured on camera.

I got Shuggie to grab the camera and start clicking away while I cooed in Sadie's face, "Where's your tongue? Where is it? Show Momma your trick! Where's your tongue?"

Emma came running up behind us and squealed, "IT'S IN HER MOUSE, SILLY GOOSE!"

Aubrey Said: She's On Her Knees

As you may well know, my kids have had a stomach virus for the last month. It crept slowly through my household and lingered with each child for a week or longer, leaving me in my pink Mickey Mouse pajama pants for almost a month.

My mother, the often imitated but never duplicated, Shuggie was coming to town to keep my kids while me and The Hubster head off to NYC to meet with my agent and to have a little mini-vacay, sans children. She was going to leave early on Saturday morning in order to be here before Aubrey's birthday on Sunday.

I was so excited that as I tucked the girls into bed on Friday night, I grabbed the phone to call Shuggie and see if she was all packed up and ready to go. (Keep in mind that I hadn't slept soundly for almost a month, and The Hubster and I were both exhausted. The Hubster- who did more than his fair share of cleaning up hazardous waste for weeks on end, and got up in the middle of the night at least as much as I did. I know, he's awesome and MINE, so watch it.)

Anywho-Shuggie answered the phone and gave me the best news of my entire life. She was less than five minutes from my house! *Cue Hallelujah Chorus and angels singing!* The girls and I opened the blinds and waited for her to pull in the driveway. As soon as Shuggie got in the house, she came in their room with us and knelt beside the bed to hug and kiss and talk to them.

As they were talking and squealing and giggling I noticed how FABULOUS my Momma looked, and that she had lost a considerable amount of weight since I had seen her last.
Me: MOMMA! You look so good! You've lost weight, you are so little!
Aubrey: That's because she's on her knees.

Momma Goes to NYC

I leave for New York City and my first meeting with Super Agent Jenny Bent in just a few short days! This week has been crammed full of last minute details I needed to take care of before leaving my sweet, sweet Momma with my three little cherubs for several days. I've stocked up on frozen foods and popsicles, so hopefully they will be fine until we return!

I am very excited to sit down with one of the most sought after literary agents in the country and listen to her feedback and beginning to editing my book. I am so grateful for everything and everyone in my life right now. I still can't believe this is all really happening!

I'm going to try to keep blogging over the next week, but if I get a little busy, please hang in there with me! I'm trying to spend as much time with my kiddos as possible before I leave!

Thank you so much again for reading and for telling your friends about Robin's Chicks!
None of this would be happening without YOU!

Emma Said: Don't Pee on Me

I was getting in the bath tub tonight and Emma asked if she could, "Pwease, pwease get in you tub wif you, Momma?" And I couldn't say no, so I let her. As I bent over to undress she reached up and smacked me in the booty to give me a Good Game. I laughed a little and she said with a finger pointed at me, "But don't do dat to me Momma, I don't wike it."
Me: OK, I won't.
Emma: And don't go pee-pee on me eder cuz I don't wub dat.

Glad she told me...

Why My Children Almost Never Drink Soft Drinks

Emma's Antics

I got to sleep late this morning, really late. At 9am Emma climbed in the bed with me and was chattering away being her sweet little self. I laid in the bed for a few minutes listening to her jabber with my eyes closed. When I opened my eyes I almost had a heart attack, Emma looked like something from Lord of the Flies. I jumped out of the bed, sure my mother was either asleep or tied to a chair and knocked unconscious with Aubrey's new pink baseball bat she got for her birthday. (Thanks Nana!)

Instead I found my mother and Aubrey had matching paint jobs.

"Mom, is that paint washable?" I asked my mom.

"I certainly HOPE so..."



Yeah, me too.

Go Aubrey! It's Your Birfday!

We celebrated Aubrey's Fifth Birthday with a Princess Pirate Party yesterday. It was our regular Sunday evening crowd of neighbors, friends and family. Our water castle got canceled after a few minutes due to thunder but all the kiddos had a great time anyway.

I made a VAT of homemade spaghetti, we opened presents and finally got to eat the "big giant married cake." Aubrey was so excited to have all of her family here and very appreciative for her gifts. (Except for the princess coloring book that I got for her, that she REQUESTED. Guess it paled in comparison to her Easy Bake Oven and Benda-Roos!)

Here are a few pics:



Aubrey's very favorite thing about her birthday? "Eating cake."