WARNING! THIS POST IS NOT FOR THE EASILY OFFENDED. IF YOU ARE NOT AN ADULT OR HAVE PROBLEMS WITH HUMAN ANATOMY…KEEP ON MOVIN’!
Today I went to eat lunch with The Hubs, which is a big deal because I haven’t really left the house in about a week, since I’ve been recovering from skurgery.
The topic of vasectomies came up at lunch and hubs related a few tales of friends who had gone under the knife and seen their entire lives flash before their eyes as they lay on the exam table. Then my dearly beloved actually said, out of his sweet little mouth, “Did you know you have to ice your *biznass* (word changed for those you with more delicate palettes) for SIX HOURS after surgery? CAN YOU EVEN IMAGINE?”
I actually choked on my indignation. I said, maybe a little too loudly, judging by the stares I received from neighboring tables,” Can I imagine?? Are you serious? I pushed THREE BABIES OUT OF MY VAGINA!! CAN I IMAGINE??? Did you really just say that to me? AND after I pushed those babies out, they handed them to me and said, ‘Here STICK YOUR NIPPLE IN HER MOUTH UNTIL YOU CAN NO LONGER STAND THE PAIN!’ Can I imagine??? Uh, YEAH! I think I have a little bit of an idea of what that might feel like. FOR. THE. LOVE. You people don’t deserve anesthesia.”