The Bigs are in school, from 8am to 3pm every day. I thought I was going to do the Roger Rabbit in my kitchen as soon as a dropped them off but really, it was sad.
Now it’s just me and Sadie chilling at the house. This morning we went to the post office, gassed my car, ran to the grocery store and went to the gym– before 9am. Sigh.
We came home to a mostly clean house and I made her a snack while I sat down to catch up on email and submit columns for several upcoming deadlines.
My First Mistake
I put Sadie down for a nap, pulled out my manuscript and got to work. Before I knew it, it was 2:40pm and I was running late to get to Emma’s school in time and I had to commit a mortal sin– I woke a sleeping baby.
I just heard a collective Mom *GASP* ripple across the country.
I know. I know. But it had to be done. I jerked Sadie out of the bed, changed her out of her pull-up and into her Big Guhl Pants, tossed a sippy cup and some crackers within arms reach of her in the car and went to crank the car when I realized I had no keys.
My Second Mistake
I had no keys. I was running late. My baby was barely awake and I had. No. Keys. I ran inside, dug a spare out of a junk drawer and screeched out of my driveway.
Precisely 1.8 seconds later Sadie began SCREAMING at the top of her lungs. Blood curdling, nerve frazzling screams. No amount of saying, “Use your words,” of “What do you need?” did any good. Baby Girl had lost. her. mind.
There was no time to pull over to deal with her. We had to get to school. So I drove. She screamed. We picked Emma up. She screamed. I was finally able to pull over and help her and she continued to scream.
I realized she had crushed crackers into her seat and her pants were full of cracker crumbs. I thought maybe that’s what she was so upset about, so I did what you would do. I took her out of the car, took her carseat out of the car, and beat the living hell out of it on the side of the road in the carpool line to get all the crumbs out.
Total elapsed time of screaming: 30 minutes. I couldn’t think and my brain felt like it would explode. By the time we picked Aubrey up about 10 minutes later, Sadie had finally and thankfully, run out of steam.
She was whimpering and sniffling when Aubrey got in the car. “Sadie what’s wrong with you? Stop it. That’s so annoying.” Aubrey huffed.
“Trust me, Aubrey. This is an improvement.”
My Third Mistake. What am I? A rookie?
All three kids were starving when we got home but it was almost 4pm and I didn’t want to give them snacks when we would be eating dinner in about an hour. Which led to my third major Mommy Mistake of the day– I gave my kids a choice about what we would eat for dinner. They chose grilled cheese and soup over slightly more complicated (for me) options, so I was thrilled. They were thrilled. They actually cheered.
Then I realized we had no soup. I had no energy to explain to my kids that the dinner of their dreams wasn’t going to happen and I certainly wasn’t going to take three kids to the store at dinnertime.
Bacon Saves the Day
I dug into my fridge and prayed for an answer and there it was… a third of a package of bacon, waiting to rescue me. I can’t think of one situation in life that couldn’t be greatly improved by bacon.
I started cooking it before I broke the news to my kids. It’s a scientific fact that I can yell loud enough for my neighbors to hear me while every member of my family remains oblivious that I have even spoken. Yet, every single one of them will assemble in the kitchen approximately 1.5 seconds after bacon hits the frying pan.
“Is the soup ready?” Aubrey asked.
“We’re going to have bacon and pancakes instead.” I said casually.
“Mmm-MMM that smells good fo sizzle!! Get it Momma? Fo SIZZLE? It’s like FO SHIZZLE BUT NOT!” Aubrey laughed.
I realized as I cooked the bacon that I had enough for the kids but not enough for me and my husband. There were leftovers in the fridge we could eat. But I couldn’t think of anything more disappointing than walking into your own house after a long day of work to the smell of fried bacon and being told it was all gone. NO BACON FOR YOU!
I love my husband too much to treat him like that. I gave him a quick call, “I’m making bacon and pancakes for the girls and there’s not enough for you. If you want some I’m going to need you to literally bring home the bacon.”
So he did. Then there was bacon for everyone and they lived happily ever after. The end.
The moral of this story:
1. Don’t wake a sleeping baby, you idiot.
2. Find keys before waking baby.
3. Never EVER ask your kids what they want for dinner.
Thank God for bacon. Amen.
What are you thankful for today? I know you can think of SOMETHING!