I don’t know what day of the week it is. Swear to gawd. (Which is not the same as swearing to God. It is not.)
I also didn’t know it was picture day this morning and my three-year-old went to school wearing 5T shorts and a shirt that had greek “yogrit” smeared all over the front of it. Also her shirt was orange and her headband was “pank” and her shoes were silver, sparkly and 1 1/2 sizes too big. Total Kodak moment.
Sadie also only responds to the name of Angelina Ballerina. Not just Angelina– Angelina Ballerina.
I also didn’t realize that something had crawled into my car and DIED last night. Until I got in there this morning to take my kids to school. *gags a little*
I didn’t realize that it was acceptable for grown folks to blatantly cut in line at the deli counter. (JERKS!)
I also didn’t realize when I left my house to drive carpool this afty that I should have worn freaking waders. I went to the grocery store with two kids in the pouring rain for ONE FISHBONING ingredient and stood in line for twenty minutes.
Cashier: (18 years after I got in line with one solitary bottle of vinegar and two kids) How are you today?
Me: Pretty damn irritable.
As we walked to the car Sadie sloshed her flip flops through the puddles FILLING my brand new shoes with water. Shoes I replaced because the old ones smelled like death. Just like I’m sure the new ones will smell tomorrow.
I also didn’t realize that rabbits make “a sound.” Sadie informed me yesterday on the way home from school, though. They definitely do…
I don’t know what day it is. But I do know that “A Second Helping” my second-ish book which is a collection of my AWARD WINNING
(Um, yeah. About that. I may have won the South Carolina Press Association’s award for Best Humor Column last month!) humor columns is on sale for $0.99 until midnight tonight and rated #1 in 3 categories on Amazon right now. So y’all should get on it and download it to your phone or your Kindle and tell all your friends. (Also filed under “Things That Have Made This Day Suck Less.”)
And then there is this:
And I mean, COME ON. FINE! Trash my shoes.
But seriously, does anybody know what day of the week it is??