I had just finished nursing school when Aubrey was born. I knew breast was best and sneered at women buying formula at the grocery store. I spent hours with the lactation consultant in the hospital mastering the art of breastfeeding. The extra hands didn’t hurt as the Big Berthas outweighed my baby and tended to be a bit unruly.
Anytime someone came to the house to see my new baby, I exiled myself to the bedroom to feed her discreetly. I got confused about what “feed her every three hours” actually meant. From the time we STARTED? Or from the time we finished? Because those are two different things entirely. And if it was from the time we started then I basically needed to just leave her on the boob 24/7 cuz girlfriend was slllllllllooooooowwww.
It pains me now to even think about this part– the part where I set a &*^%@ timer to WAKE MY SLEEPING BABY IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT, because the lactation consultant said every three hours. Who does that??
PSA: NEVER WAKE A SLEEPING BABY. Especially in the middle of the freaking night.
When my second kid came along, I tossed the timer and let her sleep in her carseat beside my bed. When she woke up to eat, I didn’t even open my eyes, I’d pull out a Bertha, toss Emma in the bed beside me and let her nurse self-service style– and if you didn’t want to see my zipples THEN LEAVE THE FOOD COURT AT THE MALL CUZ I’M FEEDING MY BABY.
My babies are blessedly eating solid foods now, but it makes me laugh every time I hear myself saying something to my 2nd or 3rd kids that I never would have said to my 1st.
1st Kid: Perfect birthday party, smocked birthday outfit, matching invitations, goody bags and party decorations.
2nd Kid: Grab a cupcake from the grocery store bakery as an afterthought two days after her birthday. Stick a small tealight candle leftover from Halloween on top of it because you forgot candles.
3rd Kid: Use kid’s birthday as an excuse to go eat Mexican with your Mommy friends. Have a Margarita, tell management it’s your kid’s birthday and BAM! mariachis, free dessert and the most awesome birthday hat EVER.
Watch the LUVS videos HERE! I want to hear YOUR 1st Kid 2nd Kid stories!
This month I’m working with a team of humor bloggers including Kelcey, Ann, Susan, Candy and Amy. We’re hijacking LUVS’ marketing for their clever and funny 1st Kid/2nd Kid campaign, for which I’m compensated.