My oldest has been particularly hilarious lately. Last night while I was cooking dinner, gluten free pizza, Aubrey (7-years-old) said, “How do you fix a broken pizza?”
Me: I don’t know. How?
Aubrey: Tomato paste!
I cracked up and asked where she had heard it but she insisted she made it up on her own.
Later that evening Aubrey and I were sitting outside playing with her kitten, (after much consideration she has renamed Fluffy, Sophie.) So we were sitting outside playing with Sophie and I said, “I liked Fluffy. It sounded like more of a kitten name.”
Aubrey: What do you mean?
Me: I just thought Fluffy was more of a cat name. Don’t you think so?
Aubrey: I guess. Do you think I should change her name to something else?
Me: It’s up to you…
Aubrey: Like… pu$$y?
I. Died. I fell over in the carport and lay on the concrete in the fetal position sobbing with laughter. She has no idea there is another connotation for that word, but we do watch a lot of Looney Tunes. She giggled at my reaction.
Aubrey: Is that funny?!
Me: YES!!! Oh my lord!!!
I gasped for air.
Aubrey: DON’T PUT THAT IN THE NEWSPAPER!
Me: Don’t worry! I couldn’t if I wanted to!
Today I picked Aubrey up from school by herself. My mother is in town and was at the house with the two younger girls so I took the opportunity to spend a little time with my big girl one on one. We skipped her dance class and went to Sonic instead. As we shared an ice cream she talked and talked.
Aubrey: Momma. I’ve got to tell you something and it’s going to totally blow your mind.
Aubrey: <Insert name of girl who has been a jerk to Aubrey repeatedly> looked at me in class today and said, “You’re NOT funny.”
Aubrey cackled with laughter, “Isn’t that the funniest thing you’ve ever heard?”
“Almost,” I said with a grin and dipped my spoon back into our shared treat.